Now That I’m a Mom, I Get It: An Apology To All My Mom Friends

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Because being a mom changes everything….

To my dearest BFF,

I’m sorry I wasn’t on your side when you said that you couldn’t come to yet another dinner out with the girls. I didn’t understand what was so serious and urgent about putting your kids to sleep early, or why you thought it was OK to back out at the last minute.

But now that I’m a mom, I completely understand. And I’m sorry.

At first I thought you were a flake, that you were inconsiderate, especially when we’d made such elaborate plans over the week. We planned our outfits, how much wine we were going to drink and even discussed our plans for dessert.

moms being sorry modern parenting
Having good friends throughout motherhood could make all the difference.

Now that I’m a mom too, I realized that I judged you too quickly, and I’m sorry.

When you handed your kids your phone while we were having lunch, just so they wouldn’t scream their lungs out, I’m sorry for questioning your surrender to screen time. Now that I’m a mom, I understand that you just wanted, for once, a quiet meal with a friend.

Photography: @jestangan via Instagram

When you insisted on getting an epidural or a CS instead of an unmedicated, natural birth, I thought, why can’t she handle the pain? Aren’t women designed to give birth? What about all our lolas who gave birth at home? They didn’t have the luxury of an epidural. But now that I’ve had kids myself, I’m familiar with the searing, excruciating pain of childbirth. I’m sorry for thinking you weren’t brave enough.

I’ve had all these thoughts, these opinions on how you were handling motherhood — and who was I to criticise you? Maybe you were having a bad day at work and all you wanted to do was sleep and relax instead of hang out with your friends. Maybe you just wanted to have peace and quiet while you ate your only meal of the day. Maybe you just wanted, for once, to take the easy way out when you could. Because motherhood is one tough gig — I know this now.

For all those times I judged you, had those thoughts in my head, I should have talked to you instead. I shouldn’t have let them get the best of me, and second-guess our friendship.

Instead of passing judgement, I should have been there for you. Motherhood is hard work; we need all the help and support we can get.

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