Nobody is the man or woman in the relationship
While it takes a whole lot of guts to come out, being an LGBTQIA+ parent is on another level. It’s never as straightforward, so to speak, as being part of a nuclear family. There are complicated processes involved and people who may not be as open to certain lifestyles.
In the Philippines, the Anti-Discrimination Bill has yet to be signed and yet, there are many, many LGBTQIA+ Filipino families out here. Unfortunately, there is still a lot of stigma surrounding these families, which is why it’s important to quash all the stereotypes. We spoke to a Filipino mom who’s raising a son with her partner and she shared with us the answers to typical questions straight parents might have about LGBT+ parents and families.
What LGBTQIA+ parents want other moms to know
We’re not attracted to you
As cute as you might think you look in your Lululemon yoga pants, we’re not necessarily attracted to you. We have our boundaries too, you know. And yes, we’re not interested in a threesome. Unless…
My partner isn’t the dad/man and neither am I
And yes, both of us are the mother of our child. We’re both parents and mothers. He also calls both of us mom. Some kids might have their own names for their two moms or dads, it’s really up to the kid.
How we had our baby is a complicated question
My partner had a baby with her ex and we’ve formed a family together. Yes, my son might not be my biological son but I love him as if he were. Some LGBTQIA+ couples might choose to get a surrogate, use a sperm donor, or choose one partner to carry the baby, or another just donates an egg.
No, my child doesn’t need a dad
We think he’s doing just fine. He’s surrounded by people who love and adore him, who give him the best opportunities they can for the best life. I think that’s all that matters.
My son won’t miss out on doing boy things
We won’t stop our son from doing stereotypical boy things just because he has two moms! We let him do whatever he wants — whether it’s Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu or playing in the mud with his trucks.
I don’t hate men
I love men — but it doesn’t mean I want to sleep with them. I’ve got a great Dad, brother and cousin who I all love dearly.
I’m not as cool as you think
It depends what you think is cool. If you think being a teacher and a doctor is cool, then yes. But if you think being LGBTQIA+ parents means that we’re more lenient — um, no. We’re pretty strict and believe in setting rules.
Yes, I’m worried about my child getting bullied because we’re gay
Although there are a lot of LGBTQIA+ parents in the Philippines, not everyone is as accepting. I feel guilty that I’ve given kids one more reason to bully my child — some kids can be really mean. I guess the only thing I can do is teach our son to be resilient and arm him with the life skills to deal with unfortunate situations.
Having a family that’s different from everyone else’s can be challenging for all parties involved. As parents, it’s our duty to teach our kids to be inclusive and empathetic to others — even if they are different. It’s a tough world out there; we could all benefit from a little kindness, don’t you think?